Question: How do I help my child deal with a bully at her school? Also, how do I handle an adult bully on my job?
Answer: It’s not uncommon for bullies to be a problem for adults as well as for children. Usually, the child bully tries to belittle the other kid in some way. The young bully may try to put down another for the way he looks, for example, by calling someone’s clothes ugly or out of style or saying they look fat. These types of negative comments especially seem to take their toll on young girls making them embarrassed about their body image. These bullies will often pull others into their sadistic behavior. A common method older kids use for this is with cyber-bullying. They use social media to start nasty rumors or post unflattering, doctored pictures of other students. Some of the victims in these cases have even committed suicide because of the severe embarrassment caused by this type of bullying.
Adult bullies also tend to pull others in to help them with their harassment. For example, at work, the adult bully might try to publicly embarrass you in front of co-workers by letting it be known that you didn’t give much to help buy a gift for another co-worker’s birthday, wedding shower, or new baby. The person being treated this way may be too ashamed to admit that they can’t afford to give more. Or, the adult bully may try to turn fellow co-workers against one another by revealing a co-worker’s political leanings or stand on controversial social issues. If the bully knows that most of the office agrees with the politics of the bully, the bully will openly say things like, “Can you believe there are people who actually feel this way about this issue? Surely, they must be haters or bigots.” By phrasing the issues in this way, the bully can often succeed in intimidating those who disagree into silence. After all, not many people will want to be thought of as a hater of others.
As Christians, we are to handle bullies with wisdom and love. Matthew 5:44, Jesus says, “…love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (NKJV) Also, in Romans 12:19 it reads, “‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” As believers, we know that prayer changes things. We know that God keeps His word. So, when He promises to deal with our enemies, He will. He will do it in His way and in His time. We are to pray about the bullies we are dealing with and ask for wisdom from God for what steps we should take in the meantime.
With God’s guidance, do your homework. Find out from your child’s school and from your human resources department at work their policies and rules for dealing with and reporting harassment. Keep detailed records of each incident, including names, dates, times, and places. Meet with your child’s teacher to report the bully and find out what will be done to stop this problem. Meet with the principal if necessary. Don’t stop taking appropriate actions until you are sure your child is safe. At work, you can go through the proper steps to report the office bully. Know your rights, and exercise them! By relying on God’s wisdom and guidance, you can defeat the bully!
Helpful Links:
Focus on the Family www.focusonthefamily.com
Crown Financial Ministries www.crown.org
The Christian Broadcasting Network www.cbn.com
World Magazine www.worldmag.com
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